Sunday nights and monday mornings

I haven't been avoiding phone calls, texts, or e-mails for the last week. If you sent me something and I didn't respond, there was a reason; I have been extremely sick for the past 10 days or so. I finally fought off the worst of it and my fever finally broke Saturday morning ~2am or so. I'm feeling better now, but still have a bit of cruddiness lingering.

I got a series of explicit texts from a married ex-girlfriend of mine tonight. Started off innocently enough, and since I keep in touch with all of my ex's I responded to her. It eventually moved to things we regretted, then to things she wished we'd done, then to what she wished she could do to me now. Doesn't bother me so much as make me her, and having someone in general desire me. She's the second ex-girlfriend of mine this year that has been married and has told me, in the other ex's words, "[I] want to thank you for showing me what a real man is."

Had both of them meant it in a strictly physical sense it wouldn't be given another thought. However, while they both stressed that the physical side of our relationships was something sorely missed they also both made great efforts to mention patience, thoughtfulness, and kindness. Apparently I was/am all of these things to them.

It's odd to think that I have had that sort of impact on anyone, as I often feel that I have made none. I do try to leave things and people better than I found them but for the most part tend to think I fail that in a large respect.

I still struggle with being single. This continues to be the longest stint of romantic solitude I have spent in my adult life and I continue to wrestle with the adjustments one must make when there is no one else to consider.