You got a habit. We all do.
"How did I get here? The pain so unexpected and undeserved and for some reason cleared away the cobwebs. I realized I didn't hate the cabinet door, I hated my life, my house, my family. My backyard, my power mower. Nothing would ever change, nothing new would ever be expected; it had to end, and it did. Now in the dark world where I dwell ugly things and surprising things, and sometimes little wondrous things spill out at me constantly, and I can count on nothing."
- Phillip K. Dick, A Scanner Darkly (novel, 1977)
Reading through this novella again, I'm reminded of how I feel now.
There is nothing for me in this life now.
There is no reason.
There is no desire.
I am vacuous, empty.
Comments
Sometimes I feel this way. Especially the no desire thing.
I try to fight the bad thoughts away and sometimes I'm unsuccessful for the night, right? Ok.
Inevitably, I discover that I do have reason, even if it is just being there for the people who lean on me. If friends aren't a good enough reason, I don't know what is.
I mean, currently my only desire is to not let this semester kill me/suck the life out of me.
And this is for you: <3
I hope it fills up some of your emptiness or gives you a little reason.
If you need more, let me know. I have endless supplies for you.
Hah. Take that!
I have to go immerse myself in Environmental Science now and the Pros and cons of nuclear energy.