29 posts tagged “lisa”

I got rooked into going to the Tavern tonight.
I went with Lisa, since she was in town and wanted an out if she decided to leave.
I picked her up in my impromptu costume and we headed over there early.
Saw a lot of old, familiar faces and people that haven't been out in a while.
Was a good time.
She and I flirted, like always.
The whole evening was full of she and I picking at one another and making references to inside jokes from our relationship.
It was a great big reminder of why I'm still not over her.
For me, there's not another woman that meets her measure.
The only problem is that she doesn't want to be with me anymore.
Hell of a problem, isn't it?

Shared the evening with Lisa.
We went to see Pineapple Express when I got off of work.
Afterwards, she went to her aunt's house, then came back to my place.
We spent the rest of the evening in my bed, watching Food Network, the Daily Show, Colbert Report and Sex & the City.

Nothing further than spooning and my petting her (backrub and hair stroking).

No one fits in my hands like she does.
No one giggles like she does when I accidentally tickle her.
No one smells like her.

This... is my dilemma.
While we were watching SatC, she made a comment about Carrie and Mr. Big, saying "[...]Mr. Big can do anything and Carrie always forgives him."

That's a perfect mirror my myself and her.

There's no better advertising (dating wise) than when your ex-girlfriends tell "brag stories" on you.
Seriously, I think that's one of the only things that can make me blush.

It's always the same.
Promises of phone calls and time spent together.
Then two weeks of silence.

It's always the same.
Despite protestations that it will be different this time.
That effort will be put forth.
Yet I'm on the end of a phone that does not ring.

I tell myself not to take it so hard.
Yet it remains the heavy, haunting weight in my chest.
The dull ache of repeated rejection at the hands of an ex-lover and friend.

I am still awake.
There is no good reason for this.
I went to a friend's "graduation celebration" last night.
It was just a bunch of people over at his house, congratulating him on completing his B.S. in Geology.
I think I was the only sober person there, but I didn't mind that much.

My mother is somewhere in Tacoma right now.
She and her boyfriend have been there all weekend, as his daughter is/was getting married this weekend.
I called her Friday to talk, but only got a moment of her time.
I'll try to call her sometime today, but there's no telling if I'll get her or not.

My father is out of town working, so he calls me to go purchase something for him to give to my grandmother today.
I don't know what to get her.
What do you buy a 70-something woman who is a packrat and saves everything she possibly can?

Last night, everything reminded me of the past.
Nostalgia hung heavy in the air.
I pined for times that are gone.

The Fall and Winter of 2004.
I wish I could reach back there and take hold of that time again.
I wish I could know those feelings once more.

I've been without a vehicle since Tuesday evening. I've missed all of my classes since then and I've been walking the 4 blocks to work each day in the 30 degree weather. It's not terrible, but it's irritating. Tomorrow I'm going to see if I can actually jump-start the truck and get the battery to hold a charge long enough for me to work on it.

I've been feeling the loneliness creep in more and more each day.
It's near-palpable.
I can feel it in the air.

This morning the girl called me. We talked for well over an hour about a little bit of everything. How she's been sick, how her clinic patients have been doing, and just about life in general. It was good to spend some time just talking to her. Regardless of the past or what may (never) come, she is someone that I want in my life.

I am the second person she (the girl) calls when her world doesn't make sense and she's freaking out.
The first person is her sister.

She called me around Noon today to discuss something and I gave her my thoughts and opinions on it.
She called me again about 45 minutes ago because she was freaking out about the way some work had gone tonight.
She called because she trusts me.

I wish for all the world she still loved me like she used to.
However, for her to have that kind of trust in me isn't a bad second-place prize.
I'll take that medal and wear it proudly.

1 a.m. and I can't sleep.
Or, more truthfully, I don't want to sleep.
That king size bed is much too large and there's another I wish were in it.

It's almost three years now and I still miss seeing her every day.
I long for that period of time where she left from class to come to my place.
I ache for those nights where she snuck out and came to sleep in my bed for a few hours before going home before her mother woke up.

It's one big wave of feelings like I somehow missed a turn on this one.
I feel like the second half of It's a Wonderful Life where I'm seeing how everything went wrong.
These past ten years have been hard-fought trials and high-priced lessons.
It's been scars and tears, heartaches and pain.

I wanted her.
I still do.

I woke up 20 hours ago.
Got to work at 6am, stayed in the office until Noon.
Headed to the girl's mother's house to pick her up.
Spend about an hour working on her mother's computer before we leave.
While running scans on the computer I tell her the story of my bruised face and broken nose.
Take her to lunch at her favorite place here, a small-town barbeque.
Then drive 60-miles East so that we can actually watch Sweeney Todd.
Drive the 60-miles back to her mother's house.
I continue to work on her mother's computer and play with her dog (a shih-zu).
We sit there talking and sending each other quotes from movies (Mean Girls, Knocked Up, etc.) via text message.
While waiting for the computer to install updates, I give her a head massage (she tells me I should do that professionally).
Midnight-thirty rolls around and I crank my truck to let it warm up.
While waiting, I continue rubbing the back of her head and playing with her hair.
Give her a kiss on the cheek and she walks to me to the door.

I wish something would come of it.
There's not an expression for how right I feel around her.
However, she has no want of another relationship with me.
Thusly, I am "just a friend" with my heart on my sleeve.

Spent the afternoon/evening with the girl. She came over around 4 p.m. and we sat around catching up with one another and enjoying some tasty tacos she brought. Afterwards, we lounged around my room watching Knocked Up and  10 Things I Hate About You. We laughed, we joked. I enjoyed her company immensely.

We didn't kiss.
We spooned while watching part of the movies, but that was it.
I cannot recall the last time I felt so comfortable and at peace.

I fear I'll never find someone (aside from her) that I am this completely comfortable with. There is nothing hidden from her, nothing reserved. She is privy to all of my absurd idiosyncrasies. She gets my weird sense of humor.

Oh, just to lay beside her while joking about the past. It is a sanctuary for my soul.

However, as I said, I fear I will not find another person I am so in tune with that also shares the feelings I have towards them. For all our friendship, whatever amorous feelings she had towards me I feel haven been felled forever.